Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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