I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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