I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize