If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
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I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
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5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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