I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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