I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize