He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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