...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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