Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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