I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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