Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
People in love make me want to vomit
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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