we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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