She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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