Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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