Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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