I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize