It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize