Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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