Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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