like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
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My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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