The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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