I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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