I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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