have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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