How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Randomize