didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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