don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize