who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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