I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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