still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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