don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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