Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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