Non-Jews are for practice
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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