is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
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I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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