i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize