Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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