My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize