the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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