allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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