she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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