Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize