Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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