yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize