My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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