Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize