When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
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Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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