i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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