How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
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im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She's the barista slut.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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