I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
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So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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