watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
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rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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